Karma :(

It's amazing how simple things can change your mood instantly, like how a song can make you cry or smile.  I just had this happen to me but in this case, it was a picture.  I thought I was over this person that I will not name...but apparently I am not.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is how our "relationship" ended.  I used quotations because I don't know what else to call what we had, and I'm starting to believe it was all one sided any way.  There are sooo many things running through my brain right now...Like was there something I did or said to push this person away?  Why did I wear my heart on my sleeve for him when I was told not to get involved?  And why the Hell have I spent several sleepless nights over this person wondering why they didn't call or respond to my texts?   
It's true that ignorance is bliss...I have a love/hate relationship with FB and sometimes I wish I would just delete my account because this is where I saw this pic.  It stings even more because the other person he was with in the picture was gorgeous.  Duh Kamille, this must be why he dropped you like a hot potato.  Well at least I know, or I think I do.  I have wanted to pick up the phone so many times and call him to just ask Why?  but there is no point.  I just need to realize that there never was a relationship and never will be.  Even if we were together, I know(along with everyone else that knows us)that it would be a very unhealthy relationship and wouldn't last anyway.
But that still doesn't change the way I feel, my heart hurts.  I have been single for a year...Holy shit.  I actually think it has been exactly a year today.  I broke it off with my ex Oct. 20 2009.  I told my self I wanted to stay single until I was 30.  But when he came into my life, I would of been more than happy to throw that out of the window.  I am still asking myself Why?  Why would I think that when I knew the relationship would have been doomed anyways.  Well, I do know why...because everyone told me not to pursue it.  That's why I did. If you know me, this makes perfect sense because you and I both know that I will do the EXACT opposite of what anyone tells me. 
I have been talking about Karma a lot recently.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  This person came into my life and taught me a valuable lesson that I will never forget.  I have been through many heartbreaks before, been through divorce even, but this one is different.  It's because he rejected ME.  I am not trying to sound cocky but I have never been rejected before.  I have always been the rejectee.  Now I know what it feels like to be on the other side.  It really really sucks.  He is my Karma.
So the lesson I am walking away with has been more valuable to me then anything.  I really have only thought about myself in my past relationships and I will never again play with a persons heart/feelings the way I have in the past. 
Even though I would love to hate this person, I never will.  I know he is a good guy and has a good heart.  I am thankful that he came into my life and for the short lived time we had together.  So thank you Karma, even though you are a bitch.