Karma :(

It's amazing how simple things can change your mood instantly, like how a song can make you cry or smile.  I just had this happen to me but in this case, it was a picture.  I thought I was over this person that I will not name...but apparently I am not.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is how our "relationship" ended.  I used quotations because I don't know what else to call what we had, and I'm starting to believe it was all one sided any way.  There are sooo many things running through my brain right now...Like was there something I did or said to push this person away?  Why did I wear my heart on my sleeve for him when I was told not to get involved?  And why the Hell have I spent several sleepless nights over this person wondering why they didn't call or respond to my texts?   
It's true that ignorance is bliss...I have a love/hate relationship with FB and sometimes I wish I would just delete my account because this is where I saw this pic.  It stings even more because the other person he was with in the picture was gorgeous.  Duh Kamille, this must be why he dropped you like a hot potato.  Well at least I know, or I think I do.  I have wanted to pick up the phone so many times and call him to just ask Why?  but there is no point.  I just need to realize that there never was a relationship and never will be.  Even if we were together, I know(along with everyone else that knows us)that it would be a very unhealthy relationship and wouldn't last anyway.
But that still doesn't change the way I feel, my heart hurts.  I have been single for a year...Holy shit.  I actually think it has been exactly a year today.  I broke it off with my ex Oct. 20 2009.  I told my self I wanted to stay single until I was 30.  But when he came into my life, I would of been more than happy to throw that out of the window.  I am still asking myself Why?  Why would I think that when I knew the relationship would have been doomed anyways.  Well, I do know why...because everyone told me not to pursue it.  That's why I did. If you know me, this makes perfect sense because you and I both know that I will do the EXACT opposite of what anyone tells me. 
I have been talking about Karma a lot recently.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  This person came into my life and taught me a valuable lesson that I will never forget.  I have been through many heartbreaks before, been through divorce even, but this one is different.  It's because he rejected ME.  I am not trying to sound cocky but I have never been rejected before.  I have always been the rejectee.  Now I know what it feels like to be on the other side.  It really really sucks.  He is my Karma.
So the lesson I am walking away with has been more valuable to me then anything.  I really have only thought about myself in my past relationships and I will never again play with a persons heart/feelings the way I have in the past. 
Even though I would love to hate this person, I never will.  I know he is a good guy and has a good heart.  I am thankful that he came into my life and for the short lived time we had together.  So thank you Karma, even though you are a bitch.

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

So today has been much better than yesterday!  I've actually been pretty productive at work today and the sun is shining.  Speaking of the sun, the weather has been so off this year.  It is almost the end of October and it is still warm!  I am sooo not complaining either, I wish every year was like this! 

But back to my funny story of the day...it is lunch time and I'm sitting here working and Gabe is in the drivers lounge(which is down the hall from my office)and he yells "Kamille, how do you get to Sesame Street?"  With out a beat, I just start singing the song.  I walk down to him and we both just started cracking up, I was crying I laughed so hard.  Yes that was my funny story, if you didn't laugh or smile a bit, then I guess you just had to be here. haha

Which brings me to my next serious topic...
CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET?  
Seriously though...think about it.  This show has been around for way too long and they have never told anyone how to get to Sesame Street.

Maybe this is why. :) 
P.S.  I know you have the Sesame Street song in your head now...you're welcome

BITCH SESSION

I feel the need to bitch right now.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I figured I could do that here since I am at work and I can't scream a loud.  I question a lot of things and think way too much about them.  For some reason I feel that I don't deserve to be happy...why is this?  Is it Karma?  Is Karma even real or is it just an excuse I have come up with in my brain to try and answer why things have been going the way they have for me lately?

I just read over what I wrote up top here, and then think to myself...Kamille, is it really that bad?  and no, no it's not.  In fact, I really don't have the right to bitch about anything.  I have so many great things and people in my life, so why do I get so depressed sometimes?   

And this is what I constantly do...fight with myself.  Whenever I get sad, a part of me tells myself to stop being a baby, then I get mad for being sad and then I try to tell myself to just be happy...but is it really healthy to be happy all the effing time??  Why is it so hard to just be happy anyway??  This post has a lot of questions in it huh? 

I just feel that something in my life needs to change...no a lot of things need to change but I am so terrified of failing and I've lost my confidence that I continue to do the same things over and over.  I kind of feel like I'm stuck right now.  I just need to get out of this rut cuz it's really pissing me off!!!!!!!!

Okay, I think that's it for right now.
Have a great day!

BIRTHDAY DAY Tues. Oct. 5

Well I had a pretty good birthday.  Kandice got me a fish eye lens camera!! I have been wanting one of those for a little while now.   Korin and Scotty bought me a ticket to see Anberlin.  It was at The Complex downtown.  It's a new venue place and it was the 1st time I had been there.  It was a lot of fun.  After the concert we went to the good ole VFW on highland.  A total dive bar that is packed Tues nights with a bunch of young kids playing beer pong and flip cup...good times for sure.  I love people watching, and I love going out to new places mostly because of all of the interesting people you see/meet....we get there and Cof greets me with a HUGE screaming hug...and a shot of Tequila.  He is one funny cat, I tell you.  Then I turn around and see Ben Sumner!  a kid I went to middle and high school with up in PC...it really is a small world.  We make our way downstairs where all the fun happens...Beer pong and flip, flip, flipidelphia!!  I pretty much suck at Beer Pong, so after losing a couple games I decide to take a breather.   I notice these guys out of my peripheral vision across the room pretty much staring at me.  I couldn't really tell if they were laughing at me or what but I just tried to ignore them.  About 10 min later, 1 of them make their way over to me and the 1st thing that comes out of his mouth is "Are you Zac Efron's sister?"  haha All I could do is laugh.  I don't even know how I responded. This guy was in love with me...ok....ask Kandice, she was there.  He was going up to random guys at the bar just asking about me.  He actually was not bad looking and ended up asking for my phone # and autograph haha seriously...but I gave him my # and you want to hear the crazy part...I have yet to hear from him.  So what do you think??

Birthday Week! MONDAY 10/4/10

26...I had a hard enough time turning 25 last year.  Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous, but what can I say?  I'm a ToysRus kid!  I am also a party animal.  I love to be surrounded by great music, food, festivities, and most important, great people.  I was not looking forward to this birthday up until Monday evening... Kandice and I planned on going to get sushi for dinner.  We leave the house at 6:30 to go downtown and Kandice tells me she needs to stop at the bank, ok no problem.  We pull up to the drive through and this place was like the Wal-mart parking lot...full! minus the white trash folk.   As we pull up to the little poop chute thing, Kandice does her thing and I mention I have a head ache and some coffee sounds good right about now.  Then Kandice says oh yes, let's stop and get coffee on the way to dinner.  So we take a little detour to Bean's and Brews and get iced coffees, which def. hit the spot.  We finally make our way onto the freeway to go down town and Kandice then looks at her phone and says, I have to get Josh deoderant.  I'm thinking, What?  Right now?  She says yes, he won't go into the Sanbar with out deoderant on and he forgot it, so we have to find a grocery store down town.  I didn't mind as it was a Monday evening and I had nothing else to do, and was in no hurry to go anywhere.  We finally pull up to the Sandbar and I tell Kandice I will just wait in the car.  She says no!  We are going to make Josh buy us a shot for making us do all of that running around.  Good idea! We walk into the Sandbar and look up the stairs and see a huge group of familiar faces and hear SURPRISE!!!  I was so ecstatic.  I couldn't believe that Kandice had done all of this and I had NO idea whatsoever.  You sneaky little B.  Come to find out, all of those extra stops were because Josh(Kandice's BF) was running late.  But Kandice really did go into the store and buy deoderant! haha  I really can't express in words how much this meant to me, in fact, I get a little choked up thinking about it.  I am so lucky to have so many awesome people in my life.  My usual boring Monday evening had turned into a really fun filled night out with friends and family that I wouldn't trade for the world and also made me realize that I shouldn't be focusing so much on the # of years I have been alive but more so on the # of people in my life that make every year worth it!