Feeling good!

Took today off work so I could get stuff done around the house before our party this weekend.  That's the only thing that sucks about throwing parties.  You gotta clean up before and after.  Booo

I'm on day 3 of my so called cleanse that I made up.  I have been feeling a little different.  That's the best way to explain it.  Almost light headed and a little out of it, but my energy levels are good.  I got 9 hours of sleep last night...ewwww  Atreyu just farted and now I can't think!  OMG Something is wrong with this dogs butt hole...Ok I gotta get out of this room for a min.  I'll go refill my water and come back.
Alright, I'm back, and that smell is still lingering. haha  Where was I? I just finished eating 1/2 of a grapefruit and drinking yerba mate tea.  I believe I have been eating around 800-1000 calories a day.  I still need to run 3 miles today.  I ran 4 yesterday, and had to stop a few times cuz I felt like I was going to pass out, but didn't...yay.  The weather is still pretty crappy, so I'll probably have to drive to the gym and run on the dreadmill again.  Poor Trey, I haven't taken him on a run for a long time now.  He's pissed, I can tell.  He punched me in the face the other day.  I was in the kitchen and said "Let's chop cats" and he jumped up and bitched slapped me right in the face! 
There is a bunch of delicious crap sitting out on the counter and I haven't had any desire to eat it this entire week.  I am so proud of myself.  I am going to weigh in tomorrow to see if I have lost any weight at all.  I will punch Atreyu right in the knee caps if I haven't...sooooo  *Fingers Crossed*  for mine and Trey's sake. :)

Thyroid Update

Went and got an ultrasound on my thyroid today.  That was kind of weird.  The tech said that my thyroid looked okay to her, no masses or nodules, but she's not a Dr. so they are going to send the pics out and that I should know for sure by Friday.  I also got more blood tests taken.  I have a feeling that everything is going to come back normal (like all of my test results I get from the Dr.)  I get really frustrated with doctors.  I really like the one I have also, but I go and spend money to try to figure out what is wrong with me and always get the same answer...every thing's normal.  Okay, so is this all in my head!?  I feel that something in my body is off, like my hormones.  I probably need to get those checked.
This is the last week of 2010!  Kinda crazy.  I need to find a sexy dress to wear.  I think Kandice and I are going to have a fancy party of some sort for New Years...which has put me into kind of a panic.  Here I am still almost 10 lbs heavier then normal.  I decided to try to fast this week, and see how that goes...except yesterday I had a carnitas burrito for lunch!!  Crap! I also started training for my marathon this week, but my mileage isn't too high so I should be fine. 
Today is my 1st "fast" day.  I can't go a day without eating anything, so when I say fast, I mean eat a calorie restricted diet of mainly veggies and fruit.  It has gone pretty well and my energy levels are good right now.  Since today is a rest day on my training plan, I am going to go to the gym after work and do some weights.  I hope to lose 5 lbs by Friday, since 10 lbs is pretty much impossible (and unhealthy) to lose in 3-4 days.
I will check in tomorrow with my progress. 

Merry Christmas!!!

It's a beautiful morning here in Salt Lake.  The sun is shining and there's no snow on the ground, the only time I would complain about that is today. :) 
Went to midnight mass for the 1st time last night with Kandice and Joshes familia.  It was really neat.  I felt at peace there.  I am not of any religion, I was baptized as mormon, but stopped going to church when I was 10.  After going to midnight mass, I would definately consider becoming catholic.
I just added this little widget to my blog.  For a Christmas present to myself, I decided I am going to run the Salt Lake Marathon in April.  I am so excited, and scared. haha I figured if I blog about my training that also might help me stick to my training plan.  I also thought it be kind of cool to run 26 miles while I'm 26.
I'm going to go soak up some vitamin D now!
Merry Christmas to you all!!!!
Peace!

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference

If you've read one of my previous posts you will know that I obsess over food and exercise(I just had to spell check that, you think I would know how to spell the word ha ha)  I rarely step on the scale just because of how it makes me feel when I see those #'s.  I usually go by how my clothes fit.  I wake up Monday morning and put on a pair of jeans that are usually loose on me and notice they are way effin tight.  Oh no...it's going to be one of these days I think.  Maybe the jeans shrunk in the wash.  As I continue my morning routine, the tightness around my legs almost seems to suffocate me.  Okay Kamille, you have to do it.  I pull out the scale, get on it and can't believe the number I see.  That's gotta be a mistake.  Let's try this again.  Oh great, this reading is one pound heavier.
$@%$^*!!$@%$^*!!!!!$@%$^*!!!!!!!!!!
I try to rationalize with myself.  Okay Kamille, calm down, just breath, you are just going to have be more strict.
Wait, what!@  Eff that!  I am already strict, I am not perfect that's for sure, I love sugar, but I have only allowed myself one or maybe even two days a week to eat something I would not normally eat, and I do drink on the weekends.  But I weighed myself about a month ago, and was 10 lbs lighter!!
How have I gained 2 pounds a week!?! When I have been working to lose it. 
Then I had a melt down, I couldn't help it.  I really really hate myself sometimes. 
But I can't keep doing this to myself, there's nothing I can do now but move forward and just keep at it. 
My sister sent me a link about under active thyroids and I do seem to have 90% of the symptoms.  I am really hoping that is it because then I can get it fixed.
I have a Dr. appointment Monday...wish me luck :)

All of my friends are flakes

By that I mean they are each unique in their own way hehe but really, some of them are also flaky as hell!  I am talking about one friend in particular right now...I have tried to re-connect with my old best friend from high school.  We met in 7th grade and were inseparable until I got kicked out of my house and had to move in with my dad the day after 10th grade.  I spent my summer and the following year in NV while she stayed up in UT.  We talked a lot and even wrote letters to each other for a while.  As time went on the phone calls and letters between us were less and less.  I only lived in NV for a year and hated it so much that I called my mom up one day and asked if I could come back home.  Her and my step father at the time were splitting up(he was the one who kicked me out) and she made arrangements for me to come back home.  My moms friends were on a yacht somewhere on vacation and they were kind enough to let my mom, little sis and I stay at their house until my mom was able to find a house for us.  I just realized I kind of went off track there...so back to my friend and I...We did hang out a lot after I got back, but I really don't think we were ever the same after the whole move.  I think we both went through so much in that short period of time in our lives and both of us had changed.  I was too caught up in my boyfriend at the time(who is a whole other story in itself) that I ended up "quitting school" and got my GED at 17, moved into a little apartment and got a job.  I was WAY too eager to grow up, and now I wish I would have enjoyed my teens, but that's life.  I always have had to learn things the hard way.  As we grew older and started making lives of our own, we grew more and more apart like most friendships do. 
Any who, I got married at the young age of 19(to a different guy than the one mentioned above) and divorced at the young age of 21(that is also another story for another time)  This is when our falling out happened.  She claims she had misinterpreted something I had said about wanting to be alone after my divorce and said she thought that I was saying that directly to her(which I still don't believe that's why she stopped talking to me, actually I'm pretty sure I know the real reason but not ready to share that dirty laundry with the world just yet)
Years(not even sure how many) went by and we hardly talked or saw each other.  I was so angry and sad that she just cut me off like that.  I had made several attempts to talk to her but they never worked and I gave up.  She was not fully to blame though because she had also made some attempts to hang out but I am stubborn so I decided to do the same thing she had done to me and just not respond or answer her phone calls.  We played this stupid game for a long time and then one day I finally came to realization that our friendship was over...until about a month ago.  I had been thinking about her a lot and said screw it, I'm going to try this again.  I text her and asked her to go to dinner.  And guess what!?  She responded and we went out.  It went really good!  We had picked up where we left off, it was like all that time apart never happened.
This is where I refer back to the title of the post.  It has been almost two months since we went to dinner, I have text her at least once a week to hang out and she has come up with an excuse every time.  I know that she is busy with being married and having a baby now...and I understood that until this week.  I wanted to take her out for her b-day(which was last week)so I told her I was going to purchase(non-refundable) tickets to a play and she confirmed she would go.  Tonight is the play.  Guess what?  I got a text from her yesterday saying she wouldn't make it.  Really?? 
So yet again, I am going to wash my hands of our friendship.  She doesn't deserve mine anyway. :)

Always wear your seatbelt!

Kandice and I were riding with Shantel in her car last night to go see Easy A.  We are on the freeway and the lane merged and there was a vehicle next to us.  She speeds up and barely misses this car, this happened not once, but twice, the 2nd time was with a diesel truck.  Kandice and I didn't really have any reaction to what had just happened and Shantel says, "I like driving with you guys, you don't scream."   

Obsess much?

As I'm sitting here at work with a huge headache, I am starting to wonder if it's from all this damn thinking I do...or maybe it's from staring at a computer monitor for 8 hours straight?  Either way headaches suck. Which brings me to my story because frankly, my mind sucks.  I constantly think about this all day, every day.  There has not been one day where it has not been on my mind since I was 13.  I just want to have 1 day go by where I am not worried about my weight, what I have eaten, or what I have or haven't done as far as exercise.  Wait I lied, I don't want just one day of it, I want to never worry about it again!  But that I know is impossible.  So yes, one day would be heaven for me.  Do all girls do this?  The crazy thing is that I do not have an addictive personality, which frustrates me even more because I should be able to just say, Hey, I'm done obsessing over this!  If only it were that easy. 

Monday, no fun day

If Monday were a person, I would find out where this Monday lived and light a bag full of poop on fire on their doorstep every night.

Can I get a shot of Rum with that?

Good morning my fellow Americans!  Funny story for you...Kandice and I went to get coffee this morning at Sunrise Coffee (a cute little coffee shop by our work that is awesome, I highly recommend it) for our co-workers and Kandice says, "Can I get a Chai tea with Vanilla and Rum?"   The girl behind the counter just looks at her and says, "We don't have Rum". hahahaha  I am soo glad I was able to witness this.  We couldn't stop laughing. Well that's it for now.
Tata!

La Da Da Dee Dee Do

Next weekend is already Thanksgiving!! I can't believe how time flies when you're sleeping...isn't that the saying?  Well I really haven't been sleeping much, just working hard and partying even harder...not really that last part either. haha maybe  I just feel like lying today so take whatever you read today with a grain of pepper and gag me with a fork.  Kasey, Audrey and the boys are coming up this weekend.  I am excited to see them.  Korin and Scott bought a house!!  I am so happy for them also but a leetle pissed that they are moving to BFE, well I guess they are still in the same state.  I can't say that for my oldest sister, but hopefully we can get her booty to Utah and then we can all be a big happy family! Okay, well except for Kasey and Audrey, they were here and then moved back to Over-tons of fun town, so yeah I just feel like I am rambling off now...sorry bout that, my mind has been prettay spacey lately.   Work must be driving me crazy...yes, work...so Pretty  Lights is performing tonight and I really really really want to go!!  I seriously love them.  Hopefully I can get someone to go wif me...maybe my little pea brain sister, but she might have the shits.  Sooo  the past couple weeks have been pretty eventful...Ummm there was Halloween, I was actually pretty dissapointed this year.  Halloween is pretty much a huge deal to me and I was seriously dissapointed...but Kandice, Ashley, and I came up with last minute costumes and were the Lollipop Kids from Munchin Land off the Wizard of Oz...I say we pulled it off pretty nicely, except for the fact everyone kept calling us damn Oompa Loompas!!  Ohhhh and my moms house was once again EPIC.  Every year she goes all out and we pretty much have a haunted house for the trick or treaters and enjoy making little kids cry.  I dressed up as the girl from The Ring...I think I made some kids and even some parents poop their pants.  Oh and Korin dressed up as the guy off Saw, we even went and bought a tricycle with a bell on it.  It was creepy!  Sooo, I guess I wasn't really that dissapointed. K well I have much much more to say but I have to go now, I promise I will post more often.  I have posted some of our Halloween pics for your viewing pleasure. ;)

We represent the Lollipop Guild, the lollipop guild

and wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land!

hahahaha no words for this one...I had to post it

Karma :(

It's amazing how simple things can change your mood instantly, like how a song can make you cry or smile.  I just had this happen to me but in this case, it was a picture.  I thought I was over this person that I will not name...but apparently I am not.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is how our "relationship" ended.  I used quotations because I don't know what else to call what we had, and I'm starting to believe it was all one sided any way.  There are sooo many things running through my brain right now...Like was there something I did or said to push this person away?  Why did I wear my heart on my sleeve for him when I was told not to get involved?  And why the Hell have I spent several sleepless nights over this person wondering why they didn't call or respond to my texts?   
It's true that ignorance is bliss...I have a love/hate relationship with FB and sometimes I wish I would just delete my account because this is where I saw this pic.  It stings even more because the other person he was with in the picture was gorgeous.  Duh Kamille, this must be why he dropped you like a hot potato.  Well at least I know, or I think I do.  I have wanted to pick up the phone so many times and call him to just ask Why?  but there is no point.  I just need to realize that there never was a relationship and never will be.  Even if we were together, I know(along with everyone else that knows us)that it would be a very unhealthy relationship and wouldn't last anyway.
But that still doesn't change the way I feel, my heart hurts.  I have been single for a year...Holy shit.  I actually think it has been exactly a year today.  I broke it off with my ex Oct. 20 2009.  I told my self I wanted to stay single until I was 30.  But when he came into my life, I would of been more than happy to throw that out of the window.  I am still asking myself Why?  Why would I think that when I knew the relationship would have been doomed anyways.  Well, I do know why...because everyone told me not to pursue it.  That's why I did. If you know me, this makes perfect sense because you and I both know that I will do the EXACT opposite of what anyone tells me. 
I have been talking about Karma a lot recently.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  This person came into my life and taught me a valuable lesson that I will never forget.  I have been through many heartbreaks before, been through divorce even, but this one is different.  It's because he rejected ME.  I am not trying to sound cocky but I have never been rejected before.  I have always been the rejectee.  Now I know what it feels like to be on the other side.  It really really sucks.  He is my Karma.
So the lesson I am walking away with has been more valuable to me then anything.  I really have only thought about myself in my past relationships and I will never again play with a persons heart/feelings the way I have in the past. 
Even though I would love to hate this person, I never will.  I know he is a good guy and has a good heart.  I am thankful that he came into my life and for the short lived time we had together.  So thank you Karma, even though you are a bitch.

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

So today has been much better than yesterday!  I've actually been pretty productive at work today and the sun is shining.  Speaking of the sun, the weather has been so off this year.  It is almost the end of October and it is still warm!  I am sooo not complaining either, I wish every year was like this! 

But back to my funny story of the day...it is lunch time and I'm sitting here working and Gabe is in the drivers lounge(which is down the hall from my office)and he yells "Kamille, how do you get to Sesame Street?"  With out a beat, I just start singing the song.  I walk down to him and we both just started cracking up, I was crying I laughed so hard.  Yes that was my funny story, if you didn't laugh or smile a bit, then I guess you just had to be here. haha

Which brings me to my next serious topic...
CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET?  
Seriously though...think about it.  This show has been around for way too long and they have never told anyone how to get to Sesame Street.

Maybe this is why. :) 
P.S.  I know you have the Sesame Street song in your head now...you're welcome

BITCH SESSION

I feel the need to bitch right now.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I figured I could do that here since I am at work and I can't scream a loud.  I question a lot of things and think way too much about them.  For some reason I feel that I don't deserve to be happy...why is this?  Is it Karma?  Is Karma even real or is it just an excuse I have come up with in my brain to try and answer why things have been going the way they have for me lately?

I just read over what I wrote up top here, and then think to myself...Kamille, is it really that bad?  and no, no it's not.  In fact, I really don't have the right to bitch about anything.  I have so many great things and people in my life, so why do I get so depressed sometimes?   

And this is what I constantly do...fight with myself.  Whenever I get sad, a part of me tells myself to stop being a baby, then I get mad for being sad and then I try to tell myself to just be happy...but is it really healthy to be happy all the effing time??  Why is it so hard to just be happy anyway??  This post has a lot of questions in it huh? 

I just feel that something in my life needs to change...no a lot of things need to change but I am so terrified of failing and I've lost my confidence that I continue to do the same things over and over.  I kind of feel like I'm stuck right now.  I just need to get out of this rut cuz it's really pissing me off!!!!!!!!

Okay, I think that's it for right now.
Have a great day!

BIRTHDAY DAY Tues. Oct. 5

Well I had a pretty good birthday.  Kandice got me a fish eye lens camera!! I have been wanting one of those for a little while now.   Korin and Scotty bought me a ticket to see Anberlin.  It was at The Complex downtown.  It's a new venue place and it was the 1st time I had been there.  It was a lot of fun.  After the concert we went to the good ole VFW on highland.  A total dive bar that is packed Tues nights with a bunch of young kids playing beer pong and flip cup...good times for sure.  I love people watching, and I love going out to new places mostly because of all of the interesting people you see/meet....we get there and Cof greets me with a HUGE screaming hug...and a shot of Tequila.  He is one funny cat, I tell you.  Then I turn around and see Ben Sumner!  a kid I went to middle and high school with up in PC...it really is a small world.  We make our way downstairs where all the fun happens...Beer pong and flip, flip, flipidelphia!!  I pretty much suck at Beer Pong, so after losing a couple games I decide to take a breather.   I notice these guys out of my peripheral vision across the room pretty much staring at me.  I couldn't really tell if they were laughing at me or what but I just tried to ignore them.  About 10 min later, 1 of them make their way over to me and the 1st thing that comes out of his mouth is "Are you Zac Efron's sister?"  haha All I could do is laugh.  I don't even know how I responded. This guy was in love with me...ok....ask Kandice, she was there.  He was going up to random guys at the bar just asking about me.  He actually was not bad looking and ended up asking for my phone # and autograph haha seriously...but I gave him my # and you want to hear the crazy part...I have yet to hear from him.  So what do you think??

Birthday Week! MONDAY 10/4/10

26...I had a hard enough time turning 25 last year.  Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous, but what can I say?  I'm a ToysRus kid!  I am also a party animal.  I love to be surrounded by great music, food, festivities, and most important, great people.  I was not looking forward to this birthday up until Monday evening... Kandice and I planned on going to get sushi for dinner.  We leave the house at 6:30 to go downtown and Kandice tells me she needs to stop at the bank, ok no problem.  We pull up to the drive through and this place was like the Wal-mart parking lot...full! minus the white trash folk.   As we pull up to the little poop chute thing, Kandice does her thing and I mention I have a head ache and some coffee sounds good right about now.  Then Kandice says oh yes, let's stop and get coffee on the way to dinner.  So we take a little detour to Bean's and Brews and get iced coffees, which def. hit the spot.  We finally make our way onto the freeway to go down town and Kandice then looks at her phone and says, I have to get Josh deoderant.  I'm thinking, What?  Right now?  She says yes, he won't go into the Sanbar with out deoderant on and he forgot it, so we have to find a grocery store down town.  I didn't mind as it was a Monday evening and I had nothing else to do, and was in no hurry to go anywhere.  We finally pull up to the Sandbar and I tell Kandice I will just wait in the car.  She says no!  We are going to make Josh buy us a shot for making us do all of that running around.  Good idea! We walk into the Sandbar and look up the stairs and see a huge group of familiar faces and hear SURPRISE!!!  I was so ecstatic.  I couldn't believe that Kandice had done all of this and I had NO idea whatsoever.  You sneaky little B.  Come to find out, all of those extra stops were because Josh(Kandice's BF) was running late.  But Kandice really did go into the store and buy deoderant! haha  I really can't express in words how much this meant to me, in fact, I get a little choked up thinking about it.  I am so lucky to have so many awesome people in my life.  My usual boring Monday evening had turned into a really fun filled night out with friends and family that I wouldn't trade for the world and also made me realize that I shouldn't be focusing so much on the # of years I have been alive but more so on the # of people in my life that make every year worth it!

Welcome to this thing called my life

So I was on good ole facebook and saw a friend of mine had started a blog, read it, liked it, then had an epiphany of my own...Why don't I start my own blog!?  So here I am.  The crazy thing is that I was not the only one to have such a fantastic idea.  My sister Kandice and I must have tapped into each others brainwaves(which is normal with our family)because she also started a blog which you can find here http://bathroomtalk123.blogspot.com/
I decided I have a pretty crazy, fun, sassy, classy, grand life and I need to share this with the world and have some sort of documentation for myself.  So when Monday morning rolls around and I get asked "How was your weekend?"  I can direct them here, because 99% of the time, I look at the person and go, "Uhhhhhhh"  Yeah, I really don't remember.  I am not the kind of person who kisses and tells, but this blog is going to change that.  So sit back, grab a piece of corn, and enjoy the piss and tales of this thing called my life.